Babylon Mystery Orchestra – Poinium Cherem
Babylon Mystery Orchestra
Full Disclosure: You’re reading this review because after I accept material, I feel obligated to review it, even if it is absolute garbage (Which it is). Also, I’m of the opinion that a good trash review is entertaining from time to time. If you, my precious readers, have half the taste in music that I expect, you have every right to stop reading here, and put on next to anything else we’ve reviewed this year, resting assured that you’re missing nothing.
Babylon Mystery Orchestra is a one man project that serves mostly as a vehicle for one dimensional vocals, heavy but ultimately unimaginative riffing, and wildly paranoid lyrics. I’m not going begrudge Sidney Allen Johnson his opinions, and these kinds of lyrics aren’t necessarily a deal-breaker. I hated the conspiracy theory theme on last year’s abomination from Andromeda, but loved the last two Beardfish albums despite their rather unashamed attack on my beliefs. His opinions aren’t what this about, it’s the fact that his lyrics are the entire point of this project’s existence, and the music is only a vehicle for it. Descending into depth about all the specific ways in which this album sucks is just plain not worth the time. The vocals are shouted from Johnson’s gruff voice, and the guitar is equally aggressive and bland. Those two factors are so dominant that nothing else is really going on that calls attention to itself. If you really liked this kind of stuff, it would be cool as an EP, but a full length album at this speed is an absolute chore to listen to.
When the description “Southern Gothic Metal” came across my desk, I was actually excited. And atmospherically, there’s a bit of a cool thing going, but the sheer idiocy of the music is far too loud to really enjoy that. If this were good music, I’d leave the lyrics well enough alone, but I need to take some time at the end here to say that these are seriously messed up. His appearance of a confederate holdout with a special place in his heart for the ancient crusades shines through in his lyrics and the result is completely unpleasant. If you read up on this guy and find yourself part of the lunatic fringe of American politics, this is probably great anthemic material for a good confederate flag raising, or really any book-burning occasion. Given that I really suspect that’s not our audience, know that there’s absolutely nothing about this music that warrants your purchase or attention.
Dagg’s Rating: 0.5 out of 5